Thursday, January 20, 2011

Dear God, She didn't get the Memo, Love, yours truly

Okay, so I'm a people watcher, I admit.  I moved from the lovely four seasoned South Carolina to the hot Texas with a few cold days four years ago.  I was in culture shock.  I moved from a city where everything was at my fingertips to plan your trip because it's at least thirty miles away. 

I'll get to the titled part in a minute, I want to bore entertain you for a few. 

I'm also a teacher, so I became a great children watcher.  I have this list of "I'm never naming my child THAT" because let's face it, there's just so many times you can get bitten or slapped or told NO! before you scratch that darlings name on their list.  And then there are those families.  You know there's at LEAST ten one in every school: Dear God, please don't let them conceive anymore! The gene pool is too shallow and we're drowning in an inch of stupidity!

So here's my story: I was at Wal-mart people watching as you'd say when I heard a Mama tell another Mama this:
Mama A: I can't believe your child still has a paci! (My head jerked around, almost completely off my shoulders..because yes my 2.5 year old still has her paci. For Goodness sakes people, I HAVE TO SLEEP! Note: Mama A's child had coke in a sippy cup.)
Mama B: I know.  I am going to try to get her off this weekend! (I think haha me too, yeah right!)
Mama A: Did I tell you Charlene is pregnant with her seventh child? I reckon I'm going to have that one at my house too, she just ain't got time since she's always alookin' for a job.  (Then it hit me Mama A is Granny! And folks, this is that family that really needs to STOP having kids)

And I so gladly in my best southern accent wanted to so kindly tell Granny that when she took her daughter to get her tubes tied, got the milk out of the sippy cup, and started raising her grandkids rather than the TV, that she could tell Mama B to get the paci from the child. 

So then I started to pray:

Dear God, She didn't get the memo from the teachers that she shouldn't have any more offspring.  Iunior will come to school knowing his ABCs yet, all he can do to the teacher is barely sing the song and Lord, please teach her child that LMNOP is not ONE LETTER, but five! Love, Yours Truly

I decided not to tell Granny what I thought for fear that she'd bite me with her one tooth and I might get rabies an infection where she bit me! On another thought, I wonder if Raileigh wants to go to Granny's house for a week to get rid of the paci..Afterall, one week of pure heck is what it took to get the child off the bottle! As my child walks into kindergarten with her paci in her hand for naptime, I shall frame my MOTHER OF THE YEAR award and come home and enjoy my bon bon!

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